After spending 10 minutes trying to ensure I have successfully locked the cubicle door, I awkwardly pull down my tights and I let out a little cry as I plonk myself on the toilet seat.
This thing we all do daily, as simple as going to the bathroom can be a struggle for me. It sounds ridiculous but it is the smallest of things that can be the most difficult in my daily life. As my hands hurt it is such a huge effort to do something we all need to do numerous times a day. The whole thing during a flare up can be an ordeal. Trying to lock the bathroom or cubicle door to removing tights, jeans or whatever clothing you are wearing from trying to turn on taps and redress yourself and don’t even get me started on trying to re -open the door.
I have literally been locked in public bathrooms because after the whole ordeal of a trip to the bathroom my hands won’t function enough to open the door. Sometimes it can be quite embarrassing when I’m at a social function and I disappear to the bathroom for maybe a half hour at a time (who knows what they think I’m at), simply because I’m locked in.
Nobody has any idea how difficult this is for me, why would they? It’s not like we talk about our toilet activity with anyone. It is a completely private moment and for the most part it should be. However this ‘unmentionable‘ is a real struggle for me.
A healthy person doesn’t even consider this, they need to pee they walk to the loo , do what they need to do and go back to life. I on the other hand spend time agonizing over do I really need to go…and if so how badly, especially during a flare up and most especially in public places. (As the locks are the worst!)
The best way to explain to someone without RA what it is like for those few minutes of life every day is try to imagine a time you were so drunk you barley knew your own name. You make your way to the bathroom, locking the bathroom door just seems like it should be a task in the game show ‘The Cube’. Then you stubble around the cubicle like a baby calf trying to undress and when you are done you need a nap on the toilet seat because the effort of all that was exhausting. And now you have to somehow manage to muster up the energy to get re dressed, get yourself out of the bathroom, turn on a tap that is as stiff as a porn stars ding dong and get your hands washed. By the time you leave the bathroom you pray it’s time to go home because you can hear your pj’s calling you.
Well for me it’s kind of like that every time I make a bathroom trip. Except I am not drunk, I am in pain. Why am I telling you this? I suppose I feel it is time we start talking about what life with a chronic illness is REALLY like. Why it is so different to that of a healthy person. The struggles we go through that no one really sees or knows about.
It’s not like when people ask you how arthritis affects your life you can say ‘Well actually wiping my ass hurts now so that’s new!‘. Arthritis or chronic illness sucks and can make you feel like life is exhausting. The most exhausting part of it though can be trying to justify why you do the things you do the way you do. So let’s talk about The Unmentionables. The things no one talks about. The things like going to the bathroom being a pain in the ass and not the way one might think :p
Have you found toilet trips difficult? What other daily tasks do you struggle with that the others in your life have no idea? I would love to know.
If you liked this piece I would love to hear from you, or you can contact me on Facebook where I share some funny memes, inspirational quotes and any tips I have on dealing with my chronic illness. 🙂