Invisibly Obvious : My Invisible Illness and Me.

invisible_by_pyroin-d7sxmblI sat in the Doctor’s office while the nurse repeated words like ‘manage, lifelong and chronic’ , but at just 15 none of it sunk in and I had no idea what all that really meant. I expected to be medicated, sent home with a few days off school and I would feel better in a week or two and my life was to go back to normal. Little did I know that was far from the way things were going to be.

Normal is a relative term and suddenly my normal was sleepless nights, needing my younger sister to brush my hair and dress me and for my friends to carry my school bag off the bus for me. My new normal was being in agony for a weeks after one fun filled weekend of shopping and movies with my friends. My new normal was anything but normal for my peers.

People do not understand the impact Rheumatoid Arthritis can have on your life, they hear arthritis and assume you have a bit of an ache in your knee and are a hypochondriac. RA is an inflammatory autoimmune disease which affects the joints in your body  but also causes chronic fatigue , pain and discomfort and limits your mobility. In other words it is your own body attacking itself and causing inflammations to heal the body however the problem lies in the fact there were no wounds to heal in the first place.

The pain is one part of the disease that can certainly test you and push you to  breaking point but it is the lack of true understanding from others that can be the most painful. Rheumatoid Arthritis is not something that we made up in our heads or something we exaggerate. We smile and say we are fine and then we cry in agony when no one is looking  because we do not want to bring down those around us. So we play a great game of hide and seek as we shelter you from the pain we are in.

It is the simple tasks that we once took for granted that affect us the most such as getting out of bed in the morning. I doubt anyone really does this at ease but now I need to prepare myself as my bones ache and creak as I sit at the edge of the bed. I count to three in my head and take a deep breath as that is the little routine I have made for myself to ease the pain of the first movements of the day.

Everything is different now , everything is more difficult now, from brushing my teeth to carrying the shopping in from the car. The little things people do without a second thought and in mere minutes can be a real struggle for me and during a flare up quite time consuming.

People don’t see a sick person though, they see a young woman who should be ‘well able’ for these easy tasks. They see someone who is just lazy and can’t be bothered. I may not have a wheelchair or a missing limb but my body does not function as it supposed to.  I have my body but it is broken, I am broken.

My illness is invisible to the naked eye it seems but really it just takes some time to open your eyes wide and see. You cannot possibly know what every person you encounter on the street is going through and no one could expect you to. But  a friend, a colleague , a loved one has the capacity to see what is going on behind our fake smiles, and lies of ‘I’m Fine’. You just have to look hard enough and when you do my invisible illness suddenly becomes glaringly obvious.

 

This was originally published in The Clare Champion a local paper in Co.Clare, Ireland.

 

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Why it’s important to be Thankful even when you have a Chronic Illness.

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My life changed when I was 15 and it wasn’t something I ever wished for but it happened. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis or RA for short. It meant a lot of horrible things, sleepless nights, pain for the rest of my life, limitations my peers would not experience and lots of visits  to the doctors, needles, medicine and loads of blood tests!

Like I said it wasn’t something anyone would ever wish on themselves or another but it happened and as I have grown older and have accepted my illness I have learnt a little bit about what it gave me.

Not only has my illness made me a strong person who have become a fighter but it has shown me in life how the little things are the most important and family and friends will get you through anything.

Because we feel so isolated, like no one understands our pain and like people judge us we can sometimes forget how much the people we love do for us. Will they ever truly understand if they are not ill themselves? No. Will they often say things that hurt us or make us feel as though we are not doing good enough? Yes. But do they mean to hurt us? Do they mean to make us feel like a lesser person? No.

When someone is ill, everyone thinks how it must be for that person. And I have been there it’s tough and every day of your life will be tough, you will have to fight and your life once you become ill will change. But so will the life of the people around you.

Your partner will have to help more but not only that they will feel helpless at times. When you are curled in a ball crying on the bed in agony they will be in their own discomfort. The person they love is in pain and there is absolutely nothing they can do about it. Your children will not be able to play as roughly with you, you won’t be able to go on as many mad nights out with your friends or work as late as you used to. Our illness unfortunately doesn’t just affect us but those around us.

However, there is a light in all this. That even when our problems effect our loved ones, they try to help, they try to understand and they try to not let it affect our relationships.

I have so many people to be thankful for. My mam and dad who took me to hospital appointments and held my hand when I wailed in pain, who sorted my medicine and took time off work to look after me. To my aunts and uncles who not only helped out with the hospital runs, babysitting my siblings when I was stuck at an appointment all day but who also supported my mam and dad emotionally as they worried about my health.

I am thankful for my sister who was just 13 when I was diagnosed, who helped me dress in the morning and take my socks off at night. Who cuddled me as I cried and who always reminds others to slow down and wait for me.

I am thankful for my partner, Aidan who accepted me for my who I am illness and all. Who rubs my back when I’m fighting back the tears and who is patient with me when I struggle with basic daily tasks. Who helps me dress when my hands are too swollen to function and who makes me laugh to try and distract me from my pain.

I am thankful for my brother and father in law who show me their affection in the form of fires and hot cups of tea to keep my bones warm. Who carry my shopping in from the car or open jars for me when I am unable.

I am thankful to my sister in law who is always trying to find ways to help cure me or make me better with natural remedies. I am thankful to my little brother who named me as his Role model because at just 12 he saw what I was going through.

I am thankful to my friends who do all they can to understand my illness and who are the biggest supporters of my blog. They carry my bags when I am too sore and only show understanding when I have to back out of plans. Who make me feel ‘normal’ and don’t treat me as a something that is easily broken.

I am thankful to my little nephews, niece and my littlest sister who make me laugh so much I almost forget about the pain. They get me blankets and give me cuddles when I don’t feel well and ask me questions in a bid to understand why my bones are different to others.

This illness takes so much from you and at times it can be hard to see any light at all. But the love people show you, the care they give you when you are unable to care yourself…people need to stop seeing that as a loss of dignity and instead see it as something beautiful to behold.

Not everyone will understand, and you may lose some people on the way. But those people were not needed in your life if they could only accept you as a healthy person. No one chooses to get sick, no one’s chooses to be in pain. Those that choose to cut you out and who don’t even attempt to understand your new life are not meant to be in that life.

Why not say thanks to those that show you love and compassion. They might not be going through what you are but that doesn’t mean they aren’t doing their best.

Thanks for reading,

The Girl with the Old Lady Bones.

To the Person Who Thinks I am Lazy

To the person who thinks I am lazy

To the person who thinks I am lazy, this is a letter for you, in the hopes that after reading this you will get a little insight into how that makes me feel. Firstly I must say It is probably not your fault, if I am entirely honest I might have made the same judgements as someone just like me before I was diagnosed. But then again I was a naïve teenager, still learning about the world and the people in it when I was diagnosed.

This is not a post to give out to you or claim that you are a bad person or even to claim that I am never lazy. At the end of the day, I am a human being and from time to time just like you I am lazy. But for the most part just getting through the day takes more energy from me than climbing a mountain might for you.

I know you may read that and think ‘what exaggeration!’ and roll your eyes but it is true. It’s ok that you do not completely understand. In truth I hope you never really do as that would mean you would have to go through the pain and exhaustion I do each day.

This is not a pity party either or a need for sympathy or attention. All people with a chronic illness want is understanding. Even if you cannot truly grasp just how difficult a regular day may be for us we hope that you grasp the fact that we are in fact not lazy. That we want to work, that we want to play with our kids, go on long walks, attend every event we are invited to ….but whilst we want all that, sometimes that is just not realistic on a daily basis.

Those with a chronic illness who are able to work count themselves lucky, those who has an understanding manager and colleagues are even luckier and those that have a family who is supportive feel as though they have hit the jack pot.

A husband who understands why he has to cook the dinner AGAIN because we are in too much pain, a manager who gets that we wish we were at work and knows that we are important to the team despite our struggles, friends who don’t make you feel guilty that you can’t make it out to see them after all, this is all we want.

We are not lazy but rather in too much pain to get of bed, too much pain to get dressed or brush our teeth. We are not lazy but sit at home willing our body to move at ease so we do not have to feel like we have wasted an entire day doing nothing.

But what you and I must come to terms with is that on those occasions we are not being lazy, nor is it a waste of a day doing nothing. It is a day our bodies need to recover, to revive and to get us through the rest of the week. A day that is unpleasant for everyone involved but that means we are re charged and capable of more in the long run.

We are not lazy, we are just broken, we need more time to re charge then others and we wish it was different too. We want to have a good night’s sleep and feel refreshed ready to take on the day. We want to wake up and the only pain and discomfort we feel is a little indigestion or a period cramp.

To the person who thinks I am lazy, I hope you never have to explain yourself like this to anyone.

I am proud of myself and those around me whom smile every day despite the pain they are in. Those who try their best to meet their goals and life a ‘normal’ life. I admire each and every one of you no matter what your chronic illness whether it is much worse than mine or much milder.

Each day is a battle, but you know what sometimes the illness isn’t the biggest battle, instead it is the people who refuse to at least try to understand.

Just remember you cannot always see someone’s pain, but we can see your judgement.

5 Things People Might Say When You Tell Them You Have Arthritis.

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Once you tell someone you have arthritis, well they are usually expected to respond. Some don’t know what to say, some say the right thing and some couldn’t say anything worse if they tried. Here are some of the most common responses I got!

  1. “You’re too young to have that”

Most people do not realize that even small children can have arthritis and that two thirds of those diagnosed with arthritis in the world are under 65! Some people may even think that miraculously while you only look like you’re in your 20’s you must somehow remember when the Titanic sank! Just remember to stay calm, it’s not their fault they don’t know everything about your condition. They will learn.

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  1. “You Don’t Look Sick”

People will see you living out your daily life and I find often people say “Oh well you don’t look like there’s anything wrong with you”, I just tell them “You haven’t seen me on a bad day yet!” I just think of it like this if people can’t tell I’m sick I must be doing a pretty good job of getting on with life.

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  1. ‘You can’t do that!’

People may try to tell you that there are things that you can’t do now. Don’t believe them, because only you know what you can’t do! Also try and remember it may seem like they don’t have faith in you or your ability but really they are just looking out for you because they don’t want you to push yourself and get hurt.

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  1. “You Can Do This”

Once again when people tell you that you can still do something once you’ve told them that you can’t, remember that only you know what you can and can’t do. Don’t push yourself to please others. You have to decide what is worth the pain the next morning and what you are physically capable of.  Often they will tell you this by means of supporting you, so while you may want to murder them for saying it, try to understand they just don’t want you to miss out on anything!

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  1. “Oh right, If you need me to help with anything let me know”

Most people don’t really want to know everything there is to know about your condition. They just want to get on with what has to be done, or they don’t see what your condition has to do with your friendship. Most people even offer to help should you need it. So don’t be afraid to tell anyone, its not a big deal to them so it shouldn’t be to you!

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I would love to hear the response you received when you told people about your arthritis or what you said to someone with the condition (or something similar). Comment below or email me at glorialouiseshannon2392@gmail.com , I would love to hear from you!